so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
