I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
