8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
one might say we're banned from that church
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
