You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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