Midget sex pt 2 tonight
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
