the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
