so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
