Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
