I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
