i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
