I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
