Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
