Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
