Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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