These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
