Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
