You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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