i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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