Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
