if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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