idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
