Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
