that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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