he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
