So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
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I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
you never un-have a 4some
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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