Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
