Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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