I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
