Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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