census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
