I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
