Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
