Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
