is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
