i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
