I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
