theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
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do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
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I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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