also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
