btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
