This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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