Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
