Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
