you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
