I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
