New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize