best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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