Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
