Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
