im drinking this country out of the recession.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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