I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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