im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
