My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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