i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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