The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
