It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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