my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
