Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
