Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
