Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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