wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
