At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
In other news, I just burned my penis
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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