wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
