I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
