Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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