just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you inspire me to be a worse person
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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