So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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