She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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